What does it mean to simply be present to our children? Most of us don’t quite know out of an inability to be present to ourselves; to take moments of pause to witness what we feel; to sit in silence and be present to our own unique experience, to our own essence and wisdom. It is only in allowing for this space to be still that we can truly tap into our greatness, our intrinsic beauty, our heart intelligence.
Being present to another human being, whether this is our child, our partner, or any other person, means we must first cultivate our capacity to love ourselves, to connect with and attune to ourselves, who we truly are, what our own vibration and energy emanates outwards. Connecting with ourselves on such a deep level can be very challenging for many, especially in early stages, because as we allow ourselves moments of pause to be present to what we feel, what often arises is the pain that we have supressed for years. What we fail to understand is that without facing our pain, we are forever bound to it, and thus we remain in suffering indefinitely. There is a place where we can embrace all experiences, whether good or bad, a space where there is deep inner peace and acceptance of the as is. A place where our inner reality holds more weight than our outer reality.
For some this may seem far fetched; know that I was once you, not knowing or believing this was possible – it’s truly amazing how much we can transform when we make the conscious choice to invite change into our lives. Many of you will be asking, but how do we get started? For me, it took major adversity to awaken me to my truth because my connection to myself had been so severely severed as a child; I’d been so unconscious that the shock had to be major to move me into awakening. For others this process can be gradual. You can set an intention today to move towards becoming your truest most authentic version.
Now knowing what it feels like on the other side, I believe true suffering is when there is a major misalignment and disconnect between our authentic selves and the self we enact in the world. True suffering is when we can’t be who we are, and where this inability to be who we are makes it impossible for us to share our unique gifts with life, often moving us into feelings of unworthiness and lack. We are not meant to be the same. Herd like mentality is not what life is about, we are all unique, and when we follow the crowd, supressing our intuitive calling, we sell ourselves short. Now why am I sharing this with you and what does it have to do with our kids? Especially those of us with differently abled kids? The answer is that it has everything to do with our kids and how we support them. Think of children that are differently abled, those that have been labeled, those that, if given the opportunity, could find so much joy and fulfilment in simply having the capacity to be themselves and share their unique light. Instead, we try to mold them, to shape them, so that can fit into a rigid world, where we hope that their differences will go unnoticed. What does that communicate to them? What does that say about us as their parents, leading them down this path? When have we not allowed ourselves to embrace who we are?
If we wish to live a joyful and fulfilling life, then we have to take responsibility for the work that is required of us to get there. If we wish for our children to find happiness and meaning in life, then we must commit to the work that is required of us to guide them there. None of this is easy. And none of it will come from an external source. This is an inside job.
The vibration and energy we communicate with our children, and those around us speaks much louder than our words. For developing children, this can be incredibly confusing. We are so blind to the mixed messages we share with our children on a daily basis. How inconsistent we are, and how often we don’t act on or emanate what we truly feel. How many people stay in marriages they have outgrown because we have been conditioned to believe that this is what's best for our children? How many pass up on their dreams because they fear failure? How many settle simply because they don’t feel worthy of something more? How many complain about their lives but are unwilling to do the work to move into gratitude and abundance? How many give to no end, only to become resentful, and burnt out because they didn't choose to fill their own cup first? How many put everyone else first out of fear of not being lovable? Unless we are able to move past these blockages, these deeply engrained patterns, we will never have the capacity to live our best life, to express our true greatness. Greatness that we ALL carry within us. The unfortunate truth, is that unless we choose to do the inner work required to heal and release all that which holds us back; we will unconsciously pass on these limiting beliefs, fears and insecurities onto our children.
If our wish is for our children to be all that they can be, to find joy and fulfilment, to find meaning in life, not to settle, to know their worth, to go after their dreams, to choose themselves, to live and see life from the lens of gratitude, to emanate love rather than judgment – then don’t you believe it important to show them the example? Our children watch our every move and feel the energy and vibration we emanate. If we are incapable of emanating these frequencies that we wish for them, then how can we expect our children to?
Finding our own way is not selfish. Loving ourselves is not selfish. It’s necessary. And I would go as far as to say that it’s selfish not to.
Remember that what lives within you holds much more weight that what lives on the outside.
Follow your heart, be love, express your truth, share your gifts with life, be authentic. You will be giving your children the greatest gift.